Wednesday, October 8, 2014

of turning the next page

this is me, just venting out.

no, i'm not ok. i thought i was, but no. who am i kidding? i lost a big piece of my life. i lost a future that i've planned. i lost a very very very good version of myself.

it's so hard to be smart and broken at the same time. it is. the smart part of you knows exactly what to do and the broken part knows exactly how to ruin it. you understand what happened, how, and why it happened but still you're convincing yourself that you need an explanation - a closure. you're asking for a fucking closure for something that you already know deep inside had ended. you're hoping for a second chance but at the back of your head, you don't need one. because why would you ask for a second chance if you literally gave more than what you had. you say you're lost but all this time, you know which direction you have to take - forward.

she's the best that i ever had.

but now, i'm not sure anymore if she's still the best one for me. why? because she left me. she left the best version of me.

i might seem happy, motivated, or goofy but you're never gonna know what's behind my big smiles. see why i haven't taken any photograph of my face since the breakup? because i don't want my real friends see my eyes. (that's some deep shit.)

i was never okay since i broke my fucking heart. and i won't be anytime soon because the stupid broken part of me still wants the same fucking pieces to put me back together which will only happen in a miracle.

a miracle that i would take. or not. fuck.

this is me, just venting out; convincing my stupid self that i'll be okay.

whatever or however it may happen, this too shall pass.

"...You're only as strong as your next step." - (Trouble Gum, Begin Again)