Habang nagmumuni-muni kanina dahil ang haba ng sermon ng pari, napaisip ako kung totoo na nga ba itong pagbabalik loob ko? I guess. It's what my heart says. Kung kilala mo ako, masasabi mo siguro na sobrang contradicting nito sa mga pinagsasasabi ko dati. Para sa akin kasi, mahalaga ang ibase ang mga decisions mo sa mga objective na ebidensya - factual, konkreto. I'd prefer na may scientific o rasyonal na paliwanag ang mga bagay-bagay, hindi yung basta galing lang sa personal na opinion. May nagtanong dati kay Dalai Lama, pano raw kung one day e may makapagbigay ng isang malupit na scientific explanation at ma-disprove ang kanyang spiritual na paniniwala. Ang sagot nya, if ever that happens, he'll change his faith. I'd probably do that too kung mayroon ngang makapagbibigay ng isang maliwanag na explanation kung bakit bullshit lang ang ideya ng pananampalataya sa Diyos. I'm open to being wrong and if that's the case I'm always open to accept change.
Ako, personally, I always try to go towards what I think is "correct" although syempre minsan nalilihis tayo ng landas pero you get what I mean. Kung alam mo ang batas, susunod ka. Morality wise, I think it's innate naman na sa ating mga tao na malaman kung anong tama sa mali. Nobody told me it's wrong to kill my mom, but of course I won't do that. Ganern. I also tell people not to be slaves to these social norms. Wag kang magpadikta sa kung anong nakasanayan na ng kultura. Be brave to get out of the box as long as you're happy and it's not harmful to anyone. I thought that's enough.
That was me.
So why did I choose to believe again in God?
Isipin mo yung mga worms - oo, bulate. Wala silang ilong, mata, tenga, o dila. Ang alam lang nila ay gumapang at kung anu-ano pang bulate related stuff. They don't have any other senses except for sense of touch. They have never seen light. Yun lang ang mundo nila - anything else above their existence are unimaginable to them.
Now, look at the bigger picture. As of now, despite all the technological advances and breakthrough discoveries, still, we don't have concrete explanations about some things like dreams, consciousness, and love. We're still living among these mysteries. We don't even have same eyes that some other species have. They perceive light in ways very different from how we do, like butterflies and some other insects can see a wider spectrum of colors that we, humans, are not capable to perceive. Snakes can see infrared. Bats are blind but they can use a sonar system for navigation. See, we are limited in so many different levels so I don't see any point in just relying on human intelligence to find all the answers for everything. What if tayo yung mga bulate? Na bukod sa mundong nae-experience natin ay mayroon pang mas malawak at mas powerful na sumasaklaw sa kabuuan ng lahat ng ito? What if there's really a possibility of a higher existence above us? We'll never know at least for now - that's why we call it "faith".
So this thing about getting scientific reasons for everything, for me, is not entirely appropriate anymore. Sometimes we really have to take a leap of faith. Hindi naman lahat may paliwanag. Hindi sa lahat ng oras, makukuha natin yung paliwanag na hinihingi natin. Minsan mararamdaman mo na lang yun. Basta yun. Come on, we all probably experienced that feeling already. Nawmsayin? That feeling that you can't even describe but it just feels right; that gut feeling, instinct, intuition, or whatever you want to call it. In the end, babagsak at babagsak din tayo doon sa ating pagiging unique na indibidwal at maniniwala depende sa kanya-kanyang mga emotions at realizations, depende sa kanya-kanyang mga experiences at kultura, at mga aral na nakadaupang palad sa paglalakbay natin sa buhay.
I chose to believe in God. I believe there is a God. I can feel there is one and that's enough for me.
Hindi ako mananatili sa pagiging isang bulate. Hindi ako mananatiling nakapaloob sa mga limitasyon ng mundong ginagalawan natin ngayon.
I'm choosing to see the light.
