Adios, 2016

In the grander scale of things, 2016 sucked ass - big time. These political wars polluted our dashboards with stupidity and hate. A lot of people were killed, families lost homes, children lost their smiles. Celebrities died this year - icons that took a big part in inspiring and developing our society.

Chaos, that's probably all there was in 2016.

NOT.

If I were to encapsulate my whole year in one word, I wouldn't be using "chaos". Perhaps a better choice to use would be "change". At the beginning of this year I was in transition of moving up my career ladder. From being a nursing assistant for nearly 6 years, I finally became a nurse. There was a lot to learn and realities about this industry revealed in front of my curious, keen observing eyes. I realized and discovered a lot of bullshit hiding beneath the smiling faces and ever so caring industry. I transferred to a different facility, lost and gained connections. Sometimes losing people along your journey are inevitable. Some of them you regret and some are necessary - for your sanity. Still, I remain in transition. There is still a lot to learn and ladder steps to make.

Happier.

If you would consider that a "change" - yes,  I am happier this year. Despite all the drama and chaos, hell to the fucking yes, I am happier.

I am in love!

If that doesn't change anything then I don't know what will. You know when you've found your person. She is that one person that can make any bad day feel like a bright holiday for you; that person that tolerates your imperfections; and most importantly, she challenges you to be the better version of yourself. I found the love of my life last year and became officially mine this year. Just thinking of how much I love this woman puts me into trance. There are definitely no words.

So yeah, in the grander scale of things, 2016 sucked ass but you know, life is life. Things will still keep happening on a cause-and-effect basis. At least, amidst all these chaos, I still have my love, my family, and my real friends. After all, they are your irreplaceable treasure - the real prize of this lifelong pseudo race to success. 2016 might have sucked, but heck, I still won.

kapiling ko ang mga ulap
kapag ikaw ay kayakap
ang dampi ng iyong mga labi
sa aking pisngi
nagiiwan ng marka
nagpipinta ng ngiti
ang pagibig mo ay bulaklak
na hindi natutuyot
may samyo ng pagsinta
hanggang sa huling talulot
ikaw ang mainit na yapos ng araw
ikaw ang maginhawang haplos ng gabi
ikaw ang mundo
ang aking buhay
ang nagiisang bumubuo
sa aking daigdig
ikaw, mahal ko
ang nagiisa kong pagibig

last year i got you a hat that you never wore. that's alright. i bought the same paper bag this year but this time i got you something that i know you're gonna use and you're gonna like. :)

i barely know you then. it has been a year - a crazy year. looking back through everything we did together, all the places we went together, all the memorable moments, makes me feel like we've known each other forever. we discovered almost everything about each other and our relationship grew from awkward friendship to this level that we can't even explain. right now, we're still growing and discovering new things, and i'm happy that you're still with me.

i'm not your boyfriend, but you are the love of my life. 

you have all of my love and my trust and my faith in you. i know i don't have to prove this to you and i promise you that we will never come to that point that i have to. 

you are my greatest blessing, my most precious treasure - my one and only princess. 

happy birthday, baby. 

i love you very much! 

"what would you be doing if you never met me?"

"i'd still be a nurse but i'd be workingmy ass off with two or three jobs and not have a life."

"why, do you have a life right now?"

"yeah, right here lying beside me."

it's funny how many times had we tried to let go and yet we're still here. i'd like to think that maybe, just maybe, we're bound to be together.

I have faith in our love. 

Many people wonder what the hell is going on between the two of us - and that's something they might not understand at all. I mean, all they ask is the label they want to put on us but why would I care? Let them wonder. All I know is that we're happy and we're constantly growing. That's all that matters to me.

Our love is real and not insecure. We're free and we don't have to put our relationship in a box with a label on it - with instructions and what not. We're so much better than that. 

been a while :)

I'm sitting here inside a mcdonalds, contemplating about life and what not. I have a thousand bucks in my wallet and they will all be gone by today - ya know, bills and debts. I admit I kinda messed up with the big choices that I had made in the past and I'm paying the price - forgive the pun. But do I regret those choices? For a fraction of truth, I'd say yes but during the moment that I was there making those bad decisions, I was happy. Everything didn't happen the way I hoped they would but if you look at the brighter side, hey, I grew a lot wiser and stronger. Yes, I learned the hard way but that's what happens when you're an introvert and there's nobody to guide you. You learn by taking your own steps. 

8 years ago I was just a lost kid. From a grown well educated scholar in the Philippines I became a FOB kid who doesn't know anything about the society he's moved in. Nobody took me or even bothered to ask me about continuing my education. 2 weeks in the US and I already found myself working in a carseat factory with people way older than me of different cultures and dialects. I got depressed and I got stuck. From there a lot of issues kicked in and the loud and friendly me became the introvert ass blogger who'd rather stay home or keep a small group of peers around.

A lot of things happened through those 8 years and I'm glad to say that I benefited from all of them in some ways. I lost a lot of money and cut a lot of toxic people off. In the end, I learned from all of those good and bad experiences. I found the real people that I'd keep in my life and I found the path that I'm now taking towards the better life that I want to live in.

Somehow I grew up and now I guess I can say that I can talk to more people now. I found myself and developed into a nurse and now working on my first novel as well.

Most importantly,

I found my way back to God.

I am now happy.